CTRL+ALT+DEL

Social media has really mixed things up hasn't it? It was created with the impression life would be so much easier with quick access to communication with each other, but now more and more of us are wondering if it's made us all a little too well connected. And not only that, but it's been linked to a decline in mental health and it's been scientifically proven to be incredibly addictive. And with the latest data scandal with Facebook having people deleting their profiles I can't help but wonder

"is the age of social media coming to an end?"

Let's start with the science stuff. Mark Griffiths at Nottingham Trent University, one of the experts at World Health Organisation who this January classed gaming addiction as a mental health disorder, has been studying gambling addictions and internet addictions including excessive social media addiction. In his research, Griffiths has found that a technological compulsion like ‘social media addiction’ comes with all the behavioural signals that we might usually associate with chemical addictions, such as smoking or alcoholism. These include mood changes,  social withdrawal, conflict and relapse. According to him putting a time limit on our social media use is a red herring. It's not so much about the length of time spent on social media, but how it's used and the affect it has on a person and the rest of their life. But we are a long way off it being an official mental disorder with the reasons behind such an addiction being unclear. Griffiths feels it could come from FOMO, or Fear Of Missing Out. The main bulk of people who show symptoms are young single women, who upon interview admitted to insecurities within themselves personally and professionally. Social media addiction would appeal to those with insecurities as it's instant gratification: the reward part of our brain has been show to activate when we see we have a like on a post. So if you're an introverted, insecure or shy person, and you put up a snap of you on holiday or in a bar and it starts getting likes, maybe from people that you hold in high regard, it would feel amazing to be noticed and appreciated and that would be addictive - you would want that instant gratification again when you felt down or wanted a boost. This however also has the opposite affect when you post something and it doesn't get likes, or less than previous posts. Your stress levels start to soar and your brain goes into danger mode. A fine example of the content of social media being dangerous in an addictive way.

So scientifically social media has us reacting all over the place - not exactly the relaxing procrastination session you had in mind when you flopped onto the sofa. But what about the communication side of things? I always remember Russell brand saying that back in the day, when you didn't have texting or mobile phones, you would call your friends house phone, say "I'll meet you at W H Smiths at 7" and if they weren't there then there was nothing to do but go home. In that sense thank goodness for text messaging and WhatsApp, but that gives us all the communication we need. With calls, texts, WhatsApp (which does the exact same thing but for some reason is preferable) do we really need social media for communication anymore? Do we really care that our co-worker we don't talk to went to some cafe near their house to have avocado on toast? Or that our nosey neighbour has checked in to a hospital but "doesn't want to talk about it". And do we really enjoy seeing grown men and women with cartoon dog faces pouting all over our feed? I mean this level of communication is ridiculous, pointless and years ago we would have laughed at the idea, yet here we are, using it as normality in our lives. It's a little information overload. And this is particularly difficult when it comes to ex's.

Back in the day a couple would have called it off and they'd only see each other again out and about, if they lived near each other or had mutual friends, the normal kind of bumping into each other situations. Unless they asked and/or had people who would get them gossip, they didn't know about their ex's business, what they were doing, who they were seeing. And unless they didn't mind looking nuts they certainly didn't find out about every new person that entered their ex's life. Yet today we're Generation One of a new break up era: what's the protocol with social media when it comes to ex's?

So myself, for example, have had different experiences with ex's and social media: two have been blocked as they enjoyed partaking in social media harassment after the break up (going through my pictures and calling me about not liking that I was "happy and moving on", trying to find out what social gatherings I'd be at to turn up too, status' about me trying to provoke a reaction, mean comments on photo's of mine that got male attention, sending nostalgic or passive aggressive videos and pictures etc) one was left be as he's never on Facebook anyway and I never had him on Instagram, another never deletes anyone so I left him alone and he always looks at my stories on Instagram and likes a couple of things and I liked a couple of his but we were never serious so it's still an easy going vibe from him, but my most recent ex has brought out a whole new set of rules I wasn't aware of with what's acceptable with an ex and social media. So we broke up once before, but he kept messaging that he missed me and I suggested we stay friends. As a friend he unfollowed me on Instagram saying it was too hard seeing me move on and be happy and him not be a part of it, but kept me on Facebook as he still wanted me to be in his life and Facebook seemed more final. I was not aware of this hierarchy! I thought you kept each other or deleted each other I didn't realise you can mix and match?! So when we broke up for good the other month I said "I might delete Facebook at some point", because I wanted to anyway, "don't worry I won't have blocked you". He looked really sad and we agreed to keep each other on social media in the hopes of maintaining a friendship, something neither of us had done with ex's before. We had a brief let's get back together talk until he chickened out and stood me up a couple of nights later, I called him out on it via text because he wouldn't see me and was "too busy to call", and he ignored me and proceeded to post loads about his adventures in Singapore and America (he was away for a month with work) taking the cowards way out and peacocking all over the place. I decided I don't need a friend like that, let alone a partner, and let him be. A few weeks later he texted Happy Birthday, I thanked him, that was the extent. Then after a month and a bit he returned to London and normal life. I hadn't watched any of his stories or liked any posts. I, of course, at first seeked him out to look at what he was up to but I'd got to the point where I didn't care and didn't bother looking. He on the other hand started looking at my stories, a couple where I looked seriously fabulous and one of some flowers and an Easter egg with a heart emoji. This one clearly got him thinking because around 2am that following morning, whilst out with friends in Scotland and having definitely got a few beers down him and probably some "friendly advice", he unfollowed me on Instagram. I was shocked - well it had been just over a month. He was fine for ages and now reality hit he was probably missing having girlfriend-type company and saw I was happy and his ego was hurt and he might have got a little obsessive so was advised to remove me so he didn't have to see me. Of course this is all speculation I actually have no idea, I just unfollowed him back. This is based off of what he told me last time. And the fact he didn't delete me off of Facebook. If he had I would have assumed it's because we clearly are not friends and there's no point having that open door there when neither of us are interested. But we're still online "Friends"...which now leads me to question weather or not I should delete him off of Facebook? What's the rules there? Does that fully shut off communication forever? Does that make me look like I find it hard seeing him move on? Is that harsh or acceptable? Adding this hierarchy to social media platforms has made it all the more difficult for me to grasp what the Hell is normal anymore?! And the frustrating thing is everyone has different opinions on it and the impression certain actions give out - meaning nobody else really understands what's supposed to be the "right thing" to do here either. But this is just another level of aggravation social media adds to our lives - leaving the door open to people we don't want walking back through, meaning we have to choose between either playing it cool and ignoring one another whilst actually checking up on each other from time to time or having to firmly block that door shut, as opposed to having a natural separation with space apart and any information or meet ups being accidental or planned with one another - no stalking involved (for most of us). 

Coupling the ex dilemma, there's of course the whole relationship status debacle. If someone doesn't have their relationship on Facebook is it really official? And if one has it and the other doesn't what are they trying to hide? 9/10 they are probably hiding nothing and just like their privacy! Unfortunately we get insecure and feel like our partners are ashamed of us or don't want to show us off if they don't post about us or have their relationship status updated to include us. We forget that them introducing us to friends and family, and taking us as their +1 to weddings or staying at ours every Friday to watch the latest episode of our favourite series together is their way of of appreciating us and our time together  - we should have to show our love to one another and feel the importance in that, not to our 500 odd friends of which we only speak to 20 (max). 

My verdict? Everyone is complaining about the same things with social media. And people seem to be cutting back and keeping Instagram and Facebook and Twitter for professional purposes, and holding back on the drunken selfies and posting more about their business ventures and professional events. So maybe social media is here to stay - but has taken a massive step down in importance in our personal lives. And as for the ex debacle? I deleted him. As I sat there pondering what to do I remembered all the times in our relationship where he showed a blatant disrespect and disregard of my feelings, and I realised I am still letting him hang over my life like a black cloud via social media. And I don't need that kind of a headache. So he's gone - I went for a complete removal. And I gotta tell you, it feels very freeing!