To Baby Or Not To Baby?

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman of a certain age must be in want of a family. Or more specifically, must be in want of a child before our biological clock stops ticking. But is it just me or is that a little too old fashioned? What if some of us prefer dogs to babies? What if some of us abhor the idea of pregnancy or giving birth? What if our career's are our babies?

I said that to an ex once. We were having the old "do you want to get married, have kids and live happily ever after" chat. I said I've always liked the idea of getting married, but I've never felt maternal - that my career was my baby. His response? A look of horror and "That's really sad." Genuinely. That's really sad. And so we have another representation of sexism in modern day and old fashioned ways of thinking still mulling around.

I would just like to say I have absolutely nothing against people that want kids. At times I've wished I was more maternal. And I always say 'never say never'. Who knows I may change my mind in a few years. For example I've come to peace with the idea of never getting married when I was unhealthily attached to it, so I've learnt going with the flow can be a freeing thing. If I get married, great. If I have my own apartment and a dog who I adore, great. As long as I'm happy, who cares how it goes? And same for children. If I never have kids but I'm happy putting that energy into a career and taking spontaneous holidays, great. If I wake up one day and decide I want a mini me to dress up and love and nurture, great. If I decide to have kids and adopt, great too. Because within the whole kids vs no kids debacle there's so many routes that people hold judgement on, and one is adoption. 

Now one thing I've always said is pregnancy and childbirth terrifies me. Honestly the whole thing reminds me of Alien. So if I ever have kids the more appealing option is to adopt. Yet even when I say this, thinking at least then the judgementals will give me a break, I usually get "But that's not the same, don't you want a child that's yours?" Which really confuses me. I do see what they mean, but the idea of wanting a child just to create a mini you/continue "your legacy" doesn't seem like a good enough reason to me. Surely having a child is a selfless act? Therefore, as cute as it would be to see a smaller version of myself running around, if I have a child it's because I choose to give my love to them, weather it be through natural conception, IVF or adoption.

But that's if I choose to have children. And this is my point - in this day and age we still hold judgement against women who don't want children. We assume if they want to focus on their career, they're cold hearted and will end up lonely. How sad is that? We still lack open mindedness. We still find it hard to accept some women are more fulfilled by their professional achievements rather than procreative ones. Yet on the other end of the spectrum I knew a 17 years old who wanted to be a stay at home Mum and she was scorned for this, everyone told her to have a career first. Now here's the thing - I don't think rushing into having a child with just anyone is a sensible idea. But that's not what this girl wanted to do - in fact she was incredibly picky with men. She just knew in her heart her passion was to have a family and yet she was scorned for it. 

So really ladies, what society is trying to get us to do is stick to this time limit: you start off getting a career, then when you're around 28 you have a few years to get married and have a child before your biological clock runs out. Around about this age is usually when your career starts to take off, so everything you worked so hard for all those years before now has to be pushed aside because you're the optimum age to be a Mumma. 

Now each to their own but I personally don't like sticking to a timetable I didn't create. It's the be all and end all that gets to me, that if we don't do these things in this order we'll have an unfulfilling life and end up lonely and regretful. Well I for one don't believe in regrets. Whatever I do, whatever choices I make, I will never regret as long as I don't go against my own happiness. And I will never judge someone else for choosing differently to me - babies or no babies, the women of this world are strong, independent and beautiful. And they can do whatever the hell they like!